‘It left me without any money to look after my children’: Survivor speaks out on ‘vicious circle’ of financial abuse
By Lucy Marshall and George Palmer-Soady
“I had started doing a bit of knitting to earn some extra cash – as soon as he found out, my needles had vanished.”
Nottinghamshire mum Jane – not her real name – is one of millions of women who have experienced financial abuse at the hands of a partner.
Economic abuse is a legally-recognised form of domestic abuse and often involves a partner or ex-partner controlling money and finances, making it difficult for someone to live independently and freely.
Abusers often gain control over income, spending, bank accounts, bills and borrowing, and also the use of things like transport and technology, which allow people to work and travel without depending on others.
Daily essentials like food and clothing are also often restricted in the hands of abuse perpetrators, who are known to use forms of emotional abuse to gain control over peoples lives.
Jane says her ex-partner’s controlling behaviour began when she became pregnant with her first child. It would go on to be something that would eventually ‘dominate her life for many years,’ she says.
“He told me I didn’t need to go to work and that I could look after the baby,” she told Notts TV.
“I thought it would be great, but what I didn’t realise was – if I wasn’t earning, I wouldn’t have any money for myself.
“I quickly found out my life was extremely limited and it was humiliating. I’d suddenly gone to living a very different life.
“He’d book holidays for us and be all dressed up. Then there was us – everything we wore was either made or from a charity shop. It must have looked very strange to other people.”
Jane says by the time she had her second child, the financial abuse had got increasingly worse and presented itself in a number of ways. She says she wasn’t being given access to any money by her partner despite attempting to work various part-time jobs – something that was having an impact on her children’s upbringing.
“I felt totally worthless and like a terrible mum,” she added. “Everyone else was going out to the park or the farm for days out – we couldn’t go and when you’re constantly saying ‘no’ to people, they stop asking you.
“Then it was just the three of us sat at home with nothing or nobody. I didn’t know how I’d ever get out of it. It’s a vicious circle of being put down and then not having enough money for clothes.”
Jane eventually left the relationship through support from the Broxtowe Women’s Project, a charity supporting victims of domestic abuse. She was left with outstanding debts and bills, with her ex-partner cutting all financial responsibilities following the split.
“I’d always had my own money for myself but I really fell for the love bomb and assumed how it was before would carry on,” she added.
“It was a very different story. Things rapidly disappeared around me. I was left virtually penniless and every day a new bill arrived. I was left with quite a lot of debt in my name that I wasn’t aware of.”
Sandra Reddish at the Broxtowe Women’s Project says financial abuse is often not recognised as being as serious as other forms of abuse – but can be just as detrimental.
“It’s a very minimised form of abuse,” she says.
“Survivors will often not name it as domestic abuse and it’s often unacknowledged – but it can quickly creep up. When survivors are scared, they might bin letters without opening them knowing they are bank statements.
“It’s about not wanting to cope with the situation – there’s a lot of emotion wrapped up with finances. But there is a lot of potential support out there.”
Sandra added there is a number of sources of support for survivors of financial abuse, including government Individual Voluntary Arrangement (IVA) schemes, declaring bankruptcy and working with Citizen’s Advise debt advisors.
In 2024, one in seven women in the UK experienced economic abuse from a partner or ex-partner, according to data from Surviving Economic Abuse. In October 2024, the charity urged the government to set up a task force to strengthen protection for those affected.
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